Reaper Substitute
by Topcard
Summary: Ichigo sings his story to the tune of "Master of the House" from Les Misérables. Yup, bet you never thought THAT would happen.


The graveyard was silent, a strong fog filling the air. The silence was overpowering, creating an evil atmosphere. A lone figure trudged through the yard, passing tombstone after tombstone. He finally stopped dead in his steps. He breathed heavily, his breath showing through in the cold air. He grabbed the large black sword off his back and brought it forward. The background music started up.

**ICHIGO:** Oh, hey, come in.

I'm sure you've heard.

After you die you come to this world.

But there are those,

Hollows, you see,

Eating up souls and smashing down trees.

Seldom do you know

Death Gods such as yo.

I do what I so please

'Cause I'm Ichigo.

Reaper Substitute,

Taking care of ghosts,

Save 'em from the Hollows;

If I don't, they're toast.

Help to calm them down;

Send 'em on their way.

Take a beating from Dad nearly everyday.

Glad to do a soul a favor;

Really isn't all that bad.

But gotta protect my friends;

All of them are useless, 'cept for Chad.

Reaper Substitute,

This is not a dream!

A Hollow killed my mother, so now I'm steamed.

Saving Rukia; she's in prison now.

Gotta beat Squad Captains, but I don't know how.

Everybody hates to see me,

No one likes this rouge ryoka.

I do whatever I can.

Oh, man! Won't I kill 'em in the end!

The ground began shaking as spirits rose from the grave. They looked ready to sing along.

**SPIRITS:** Reaper Substitute,

Quick to take your soul.

Sadly never has time to just hang or bowl.

Leader of the ghosts, hangs with stuffed lions.

Would be a great fighter if he'd stop cryin'.

Everybody's favorite Death God,

Everybody's leader, too.

**ICHIGO:** I wish I had a new plan.

Oh, man! I just don't know what to do.

Oh, hey, come here.

Hear my words now.

My sword's so huge, I'll tell you how.

Always saw ghosts

Since I was small

But then one night, bad things I recall.

Hollow at my home, Hollow's got my sis,

But Rukia gave her powers to make me this.

Fight me if you dare! Fight me, I'm the best.

Friends with Orihime 'cause she's got large… eyes.

Take on those bad souls, Beat 'em to a pulp.

Seeing all those bad guys makes me want to gulp.

Learned my sword's name yesterday.

I also learned right from wrong.

Nearly got myself killed in a hole thanks to this Hat-and-Clogs.

Ganju is the worst, Kanoji is fine.

But stay near him too long and you'll lose your mind.

Gotta save the soul, got another task.

My life was saved tons thanks to this creepy mask.

When it comes to saving my friends,

There are lots of tricks I knows.

Oh, they're like a weird clan.

Gee, I do what I can.

Oh, man! How I wish I had a van.

**SPIRITS:** Reaper Substitute,

Quick to take your soul.

Sadly never has time to just hang or bowl.

Leader of the ghosts, hangs with stuffed lions.

Would be a great fighter if he'd stop cryin'.

Everybody's favorite Death God,

Thinks he's gonna save the day.

**ICHIGO:** Better than frying pans.

Oh, man! I will always have a way!

He and the spirits cheered, but a long distance away, in a large, white tower, a small woman wasn't as happy.

**RUKIA:** I used to dream that I would be the best.

But that's all over. Please, this must be some cruel test.

Reaper Substitute

Thinks he is so strong.

Incredible warrior, oh, that sounds wrong.

Awesome strategist,

Ooh, he's just so great.

He's got that massive sword

Just to compensate.

What a cruel trick of nature

Made me give him all my stuff.

Who knows how I've lasted living. Man! This torture is enough!

**SPIRITS:** Reaper Substitute!

**RUKIA:** All that orange hair.

**SPIRITS:** Sadly never has time to-

**RUKIA:** Enjoy or care!

**SPIRITS:** Leader of the ghosts, hangs with stuffed lions.

**RUKIA:** With this loser on the job, there's more dyin'.

**SPIRITS:** Everybody fear the Reaper! Also cheer the girl that's cute!

**ICHIGO:** Everybody raise their swords!

**RUKIA:** Stop the song. Oh, I'm bored!

**ALL: **Everybody raise their swords to the Reaper Substitute!


End file.
